I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
