i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
