Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
