I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
