Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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