Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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