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i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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