My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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