I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We are all done wearing pants today
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
