I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
