Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I came so hard my ears popped.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
