Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
