I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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