I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
