bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
