I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
