True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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