Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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