Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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