How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just google imaged poop.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
