I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
