He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
