she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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