The maid of honor just puked.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
