i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Never joke about your clitoris.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
