He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
