So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
