Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize