don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
