he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
