I'm going to jail i love you
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
