I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
