Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
These tits shall not be calmed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
