He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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