Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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