Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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