Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This toilet bowl is my home.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
