I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
