Dude my mom stole all your condoms
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
