Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
