Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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