Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
