It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
