I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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