Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
