OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
