i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
