I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
