Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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