i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
