New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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