hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
