garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
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