i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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