I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
