i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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