I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
