You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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