i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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