and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
