What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
