i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You smell like stripper and shame
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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