I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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