Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
