just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
