Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
