Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
