While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
