Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
