my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
