But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
