Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sext me about skeletons
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
