looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
