her vagine was all disorganized.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
