We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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