you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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