I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You are the jesus of drinking
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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