physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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