I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
