I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
