My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
