A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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