"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
