Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
