I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
