my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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