girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
