i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
