Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
