TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
