You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
