Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize