If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
