when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize