I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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