He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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