We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
