well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize