how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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