I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize