You can't special order awesome
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
