after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
