We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
